i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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