He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
