Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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