It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
