We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
