4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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