just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
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She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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