so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
The air taste purple.
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