We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
