So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
