i permit you to call me
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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