So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
