i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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