I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
