If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
