Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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