well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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