It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
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A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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