I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
