like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
