I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
