im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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