So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize