Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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