but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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