there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
