Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
