i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
