I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
