Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
