He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
