i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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