i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
