Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
