His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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