Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
