Yo dont text me then not text me
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
