I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
