I want you more than these girls want KFC
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
