i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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