i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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