party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
