Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
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