it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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