I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
