I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
