1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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