that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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