She said her name was "party"
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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