Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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