I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
