I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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