On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
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