opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
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