White coat. Heels.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Randomize
