I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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