mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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