what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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