you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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