you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
